A Real Man

"If you want to be a real man, then you must know about etiquette and rites.

You must put humanity, justice and virtue as your utmost values.

When you achieve ambition or success, you have to pull the masses up with you.

When you are down, you do not resort to crass behaviour or fawning.

You should not allow wealth to dazzle and confuse you, nor should you allow poverty to take away your aspirations.

More important, you must not allow coercion and force to intimidate you and make you lose your integrity and moral courage.

If you can achieve these, then you can be considered to be a real man!”

- Mencius


The Chinese Sage, Mencius', observation is true during his time and it is still very relevant today.

With all the temptations, greed and evil-doers around, it is not easy to be a real man, someone with values and integrity.

What Are You Teaching Them?

Children are all born innocent.

They do not come with any in-built values, cultural inclinations or morality.

All of them learn these values from the people closest to them - their parents, relatives, neighbours, play-mates, friends and enemies.

They learn the good and the bad through being exposed to the various media outlets, from TV, movies to songs and the various 'celebrities'.

They are like sponges - they just absorb what they see.

If they see their parents do certain things, they will just imitate them, as they do not know better what is acceptable; what is right or wrong.

Therefore, if a child grows up in a dysfunctional family, it is highly likely that he will be similarly dysfunctional.

If she grows up with a neurotic mother, it is likely she too will also be neurotic and sick in her mind.

Sigmund Freud said it very succinctly : -

"If you want to know the child, just look at the mother."

What Freud said is very true.

In my experience, if I want to know how a child behave, I just have to look at the mother. Often times, it is the mother who profoundly influences the child. If the mother is well-adjusted and happy, the child will also grow up to be like her. And vice-versa.

Therefore, it is very important to be self-aware of yourself and your actions when you are around a child.

You can bet that he/she is observing you and registering how you behave and react to the situation at hand.

That is where the young children learn how to hate, learn how to be insensitive and learn how to uncaring.

The flip side is that, under the proper guidance, a young child can also learn to care, to love and to be a good person...

"If the causes we create arise from wisdom,
So then will be the results.
If the causes we create arise from ignorance,
So, then will be the results."

- Heart of a Buddha